© 2018 (2/4/2018) Hadassah Shabnam Lal
It recently came to my attention the ridicule and attacks on football quarterback Tom Brady for asking his son for a second kiss after receiving a harried one from his beautiful little boy Jack Brady. As a mom, I see nothing wrong with his request whatsoever. It’s such a shame that many have been so unkind. Just remember in this case Tom Brady is like a single dad, who does not have his son around him 24/7 as Jack is his son from his prior relationship with Bridget Moynahan. As a single mom, I totally understand.
A Parents Viewpoint
How many millions of parents out there have watched their children grow up? And yearn to prolong the innocent years? The years that go by too quickly! Those sweet innocent moments when you still have a large piece of the heart of your child are beautiful and amazing! The love that is purely yours as a parent be it a mom or a dad, is short-lived. Soon you have to share it with their friends, peer pressure, girlfriends and boyfriends who will break their hearts as you sit by and nurse them and hold their hand and heart. While raising my son I had so many moments where I wish I could have borne his growing pains, his teenage years, his sorrow and pain. As a mother of my amazing son, I recall with fondness when he was young and mommy and daddy were his world. Those precious moments when I could easily garner a little kiss here, a little cuddle there, long bear hugs and sad goodbyes when he would go to visit his dad (my ex-husband on the weekends). Tom Brady along with his beautiful wife Giselle are amazing parents. Tom has proven himself to be a man who honors his commitment to his children. Jack is the son from his prior relationship with Bridget Moynahan. I was a single mom, and I cannot imagine what it is like for a parent who is unable to be around his/her child consistently as my heart used to often break when he would go to visit his dad, I would simply go and hang out with my mom. Sharing his son with Bridget has to be difficult for Tom, as well as for Jacks mom Bridget. I still recall with guilt a moment when my son was 5 years old and his visitation time came to an end one weekend; and Monday was a holiday. I tried to give my son the option to stay an extra day with his dad, and his eyes welled up with tears as he threw up his little hands saying “I don’t know mommy, I can’t make a decision.” That moment still haunts me 20 years later. Tom’s wife Giselle has vehemently defended him as a dad and rightfully so. No one knows him better than the mother of his children. This case is particularly painful because Tom will always be Jack’s daddy. No man on the planet can love Jack like his father. Let’s also remember the little boy at the center of the internet storm caused by some stupid, inconsiderate dimwit who wanted to capitalize on a beautiful moment between and daddy and his son. Shame on that person! Tom and Giselle are young parents, and he is a family man who is at the pinnacle of his career and she is a one of the world’s top models. Being a mom herself, I’m sure that Giselle does her best to be as loving with Jack as she is with their children together. They are presented with a quandary that most of us would not want. I have some dear friends who actually had someone call family services and file a complaint because he is the kind of father who gives his on bear hugs, picks up his kids and swings them around. He is a godly American Patriot with an equally amazing wife. He is someone who has served his country, was a first responder to the 9/11 attacks. Why bad things are conferred upon good people? Great parents? Weird? No! Creepy? No I believe it is because we are overloaded with a Hollywood culture which resembles more accurately HollyPervertHood. It has gotten to a point where holy, pure and beautiful love between parent and child has become tainted due to the perverse nature of the entertainment industry, rampant pornography, over sexualization of our children through Social Media Sharks and television, suggestive music and videos which I find even as an adult embarrassing, normalization of perverse nude images taken as selfies for the sake of publicity and money. Nothing is sacred any more, anything goes. Tom and Gisselle if you happen upon this blog, I hope that you will be encouraged. Keep on doing what you’re doing, loving your children unconditionally. I thought it was so cute and so boyish when Jack wiped his face, typical little boy behavior, you’re doing something right. And Bridget please, please give Jack as much time with his father as he wants (He will need that especially as he enters his teen years). I also advise you to read the books I recommend for Tom and Gisselle. Co-parenting a child is a tenous task, a lot of emotions and feelings are involved, time spent on your knees in prayer is essential to “raising up your children.”
A Manly Perspective (for Tom Brady)
Since I was a single mother, I made a point of reading every book I could get my hands on in terms of parenting my son as I had full custody and responsibility to raise him. I’m a woman and have been a girl all my life, thus I was clueless on how to raise a man. What works for girls will not work for boys. As a Christian and a strong Woman of God, I chose to read every book on the male and learn how to raise a strong well balanced young man. The task was not easy but I learned some important things along the way. Your children will need you more when they enter their teen years than while they are young or preteens. Peer pressure, and all of the above mentioned smart phone venues will fight you in raising your children and steal time away from raising them. Providing them with spiritual foundations is of utmost importance. Mothers cannot replace fathers and fathers cannot replace mothers. Your sons will need you in more ways than your daughters, but differently. Boys learn to become men from their fathers (good or bad). Girls will long for boys like their daddies. Daddy wounds can make or break a man. Two of the best books I have read and still reference are: (I wish I had them when I became a young lady); Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge. Everywhere I go I have made it my mission to recommend these books to every mom I see anywhere, fathers, young men, young fathers etc. My son has actually led a Bible Study on the Wild at Heart Series and ministered to men twice his age. Another great book I used practically as a manual is: Boys “Shaping Ordinary boys into Extraordinary Men by William Beausay II. Also Raising Boys by Design, what the Bible and Brain Science Reveal about your sons by Dr. Gregory L. Jantz. Sadly our society has declared war on men since the mid 1970’s. The overtly sexualized Media entertainment industry has taken male weaknesses and issues capitalizing them for their own insidious agendas. Nearly 40% of abuse is committed against males. I could go on, but I will close with the following. A link to the beautiful song Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle to remind all of us how short the time is that we have with our children before they grow up.
Just know that I speak for most decent hard working American Patriots and I totally support you all in your parenting. Oh the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman will be an indispensable tool in your parenting and marital relationship as well. Know that there are others who feel your pain, and have also enjoyed the gain of this thing called parenting . Your children are a loan that has the immense possibility to bear great interest. Keep on loving them. Love and God bless to you all.
I wrote the following for my son Rick in 2010 when he turned 18.
Too Soon an ode to my CubMan Rick
© 2010 Hadassah Shabnam Lal
I have watched you grow up; Too Soon
Those baby days are gone; Too soon
You began first grade; I cried
You entered junior high; I sighed
The high school graduation; I wept; Too soon
My wonderful awesome son
God gave you to me; a few years; a Loan from Him
It’s been hard to watch you grow up my CubMan now a Man;
Set you free; Too Soon…
P.S. He graduated college from IWU Suma Cum Laude’