© 7/2015 Hadassah Shabnam Lal
Every abuse victim has a story. I am a victor and not a victim.
What's your story?
I would like to share the anatomy of abuse and how it begins. Your abuser will generally lie, cheat, and charm you until they gain your trust and power over you. This may often entail sweet dripping words of honey, overly complimentary gestures, and sometimes even overly seductive and sexualized behavior sort of like a venus flytrap. Remember their job is to find a lifetime victim of abuse. They will feed you all manners of bull crap and are more than willing to “prove” just how “Christian they are, and how family oriented they are” as they don’t believe in “divorce” and will make overt shows of devotion, and charm.
To many abusers, having a position of authority tied to a person of leadership esp. in ministry is the ultimate “power trip” as they want that “position” under any cost. They will go to great lengths to “involve themselves and even steal your anointing and call.” I had this happen to me where the rectal orifice cost me a publishing contract with a major Christian Publisher by threatening them, because I chose to leave and exit his controlling abuse sass. To this person, I was a path, a “position” that he could use to further his agenda as we were going to be a “power couple.” “Bull Crap” he just wanted to accolades of my hard years of work, and research and knowledge and anointing. Once you work your butt off to share your message and your anointing, they want to come alongside and take credit for all your work. Suddenly, they want to be a part of your hard work. They will often, threaten, harass and intimidate and even resort to blackmail to get their way. Apparently, they have no fear of God. Once they solidify their “position” then they begin to slowly erode your self-confidence, your sanity, your talents, your time. It begins innocently enough, they will joke and hit you, or kick you while wickedly laughing, or giving you bloody noses, or digging their fingernails into your face. Soon the abuse escalates into even sexual abuse where they will hurt you (men and women do this). But since you’re such a nice Christian and forgiving, they keep on abusing you and telling you that “God hates divorce” and they are devoted to you playing upon your insecurities and fears of being alone and single. Now that they have the “position” of being the wife or husband” of a person in ministry, you become a “possession” that’s right a “possession” a trophy of some sort.
Now that they have had you under their dominion, for some of you this could be months, years, and other of you even decades. By this time, you come to believe that you are a “worthless scoundrel” surely no one in their right mind will believe that you put up with the sexual, verbal, spiritual and psychological abuse for this long, you must be the problem. Oh and don’t let them find you in possession of any books on abuse, or codependency nor speak to anyone in confidence because they will use “religion and Scriptural verses” and accuse of violating your sanctity of marriage. Let me assure you ‘THERE IS NOTHING SANCTIFIED OR HOLY ABOUT ABUSE’ Oh and I have news for you, you are not the problem, but your abuser is. You see, he/she is a pathetic demon possessed human vessel sent on assignment by the devil himself to steal your joy, your life and anointing. Now that your abuser has possession of your life, your time, your finances and even your anointing, you are basically, on lockdown 24/7. If you confront them about their abuse (some never make it this far), they will accuse of being “unforgiving, accusative and even question your Christianity.” Oh and God forbid if someone is witness to the abuse, suddenly all of the attention is shifted on that counselor, friend or relative (they become the problem as the abuser is master of disaster, and deflection as well as manipulation) in taking things and turning them around. You see, to them, you are no longer a real human being with freedoms but a “possession” a trophy of sorts so they can brag to people of their “power and position” when actually they are conniving, slithering snake. The marriage is a “possession.” The “position” of being a Pastor’s wife or husband is a “power trip” as is the “Church” and the congregants. And this is how an abuser practices the fine art of abuse in gaining “power” over you and your life; turning it into a “position” of advantage and making a mere “possession” out of a child of God. What a damn shame, and this is happening in Churches everywhere, wake up world.